Game Reviews

New Term: The Cape Horn Massacre

Learning to drive stick shift is a gratifying endeavor and adds great training and concentration to the art of driving. However, learning to drive stick in Miami can be a dangerous chore. This is because, in Miami, people are in a rush to get to NOWHERE. One of the favorite methods used by Miami drivers is beeping the horn. They believe that by beeping the horn, it will magically make you unstall, go from 1st to 4th gear in 1 second, after the light turns green, RIGHT AFTER; or making the red light turn green faster. Also if there’s stop and go traffic, they believe that beeping the horn will make people go faster, merge, etc.

There are only 3 justifed uses of the car horn. #1) the beepenpass technique. #2) One of our teams win a championship (lol). #3) some jerkoffs get married. However, members of the Branch Miamian Horn Cult Rainbow Society like to use the horn for EVERYTHING. Sometimes, THEY will be committing the malfeasance and BEEP AT YOU. Such as when I’m pulling into a street and the jerkoff decides to switch lanes, without signaling, then beeps at me as if I don’t see him.

These cultists are commonly seen driving cars with this mysterious logo.


As such, a solution exists. After consulting with my old friend H.G. Wells about this cult matter, we have devised an ultimate weapon against the horn cultists. Here is a rough intreprative sketch of this magnificent weapon:




We will abduct all members of the horn cult while still in their cars, and transport them to Cape Horn at the ass end of South America. We will then put them in an arena together, and unleash the holy tripods of light. Using a massive horn, and deadly heat ray, the tripods will massacre all members of the horn cult, thus removing them from the human gene pool. This shall be known as The Cape Horn Massacre.

My good friend Steven Spielberg has put together for me, personally, a rough video of the tripod’s abilities:

The ashes of the fallen cultists will be used to power the mighty tripods.

This term is dedicated to all victims of the horn cult. May you not go asunder. So say we all.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.

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