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Question of the Week: What is the ultimate fate of the universe?

Every week the ObscureInternet Forum ponders a Question of the Week, this week it is What is the ultimate fate of the universe?


Crunch crunch.

bye bye.

Fagash Lil

Eaten by an obese American.

Seriously though, isn’t it supposed to expand to a point and then contract back thus crunching us all into heavy, dense matter that will in turn explode and make a new Universe?

Or is that the definition of a Vindaloo?

I get confused.


god leaves the chip pan on and goes to the pub. We all burn


I think you’ve forgotten the third case, where the two forces are exactly equal and cancel each other out. I’ll go for that option, neither expansion or contraction. The universe will get to a finite size and then stop.


You don;t think it acts like a rubber band? Stretching slowly out, then snapping back and slowly crushing us?


There will be bunting and a bran basket, I booked a clown and I have heard the Mayor of York will be sending his town crier.

It will be magic.

This will be the f├ęte of the Universe


I don’t know anything really I just guess a lot, but…..

I think this idea of the Big Crunch is largely a theorists dream of “completion”, something that starts must end and the Big Bang was a start to our universe and therefore in some way it must end (whilst saying this I am aware that a large part of the Big Crunch theory is that once the crunch occurs then another big bang follows very very quickly, which is something I am tempted to put down to a theorists dream of “completion” with some “continuation” thrown in). I am unaware of any force known to mankind that actually pullling us back to a point of origin.

However, I think I was once told that we are hurtling outwards at a diminishing rate, that is to say, slowing down. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was someting to do with exhausting energy or something (momentum being conveniently disregarded in this passage).

So what I reckon is that the universe (or the matter in our void, so to speak) will stop expanding and then all will shrivel and die. Like a dead cell. Because this universal process that we are involved with surely cannot be the only univere expanding into something can it? I reckon this universe is actually one of gazillions of universes that makes up part of the gusset of Xhandros the Space King’s gusset. Hence the colour of space. In those lucky universes that are on the shaft of Zephniargh the Space Princess’ dildo the colour of space takes on a slightly pinkish hue.

As I said, there is a fair bit of guesswork in there…


Ofcourse the Universe isnt actually expanding. I can prove this by the simple fact that it took me 20 minutes to walk to the highstreet 3 years ago; and it still takes 20 minutes to walk to the highstreet. So the universe is in fact not expanding (else it would now take longer)….

The end of the universe necesitates understanding what we’re talking about? The end of it physically? as in whats at the other side of it? If this is the question some people seem to think that the universe is Doughnut shaped (ever which way you go you always end up at the same place)… this is ofcourse a guess; as ‘on the outside of a doughnut’ is teh excact same thing as ‘inside a sphere’… either which way there’s a physical boundary… breaking through this is bound to go ‘crunch’… Indeed if you had a big enough telescope youd eventually zoom in on your own arse.

oh feck it. its gonna go crunch I reckon..


That’s the perfect way to counter the expansion of the universe, just move closer to where you need to be

I havent been back for a while

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.

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