Game Reviews

Great Sex Tips For Men Part 1

A what to do better sex guide

I found it hard to describe how to have sex (since its a subject that can fill the Kama-Sutra and 1000 other books), so I decided to include these rules that some homeless man told me in exchange for some sweet loving.

Remember, it is about pleasing yourself, not her.

Rules to abide by

Dont Kiss First
Avoid her lips and dive straight for the erogenous zones as this makes her feel like youre paying by the hour and trying to get your moneys worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is not the ultimate form of foreplay.

Blow hard in her ear
Theres no difference between being erotic and blowing as if youre trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake.

Don’t Shave
Forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin, rake it repeatedly across your partners face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, its not avoidance, its passion.

Squeeze her breasts
Dont Stroke, caress, and smooth them. Act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair.

Bite her nipples
Nipples are not very sensitive. They can stand up to chewing. Dont Lick and suck them gently or Flick your tongue across them as this is no good. Pretending theyre a doggie toy is, clamp down on them like you are to deflate her body via her breasts.

Twiddle her nipples
Stop focusing on the whole breasts, do that thing where you twiddle the nipples between a finger and thumb like youre trying to find a radio station in a hilly area.

Ignore the other parts of her body
A woman is a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. The other areas of her body should be ignored, so go bombing straight into downtown Vagina.

Get the Hand Trapped
This may be a result of poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region and can result in tangled fingers and underpants. But its easier that asking her to take the damn things off.

Leave her a little present
Condom disposal is not mans responsibility. We wore it, she can store it.

Attack the Clitoris
Direct pressure is very pleasant, so dont gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.

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