You don’t gank lowbies IRL

Swan stand alone
Swan stand alone

There are losers out there who spend all day killing level 20 players at eighty. They will stealth and open up on you with their best gear and attacks (as if that is really needed) and then laugh at you as if somehow you suck for not being able to counterattack someone 60 levels above you. Do you want to know what happens when their mom tells them to keep the maniacal cackling down to a minimum after doing so?

They go into a nerd rage and try to choke their own mother out. James Swan a 27-year-old man child did just that in front of five young children. It happened last Thursday (2/11) on the 6400 block of 12th Avenue East about 10 p.m in Bradenton, Florida.

After a night of wowing and drinking (because we all know this is the epitome of cool) Mr. Swan began to get a little too loud. When his 50-year-old mother asked him just to quiet down a little so her three grandchildren could go to sleep in the room Shawn ignored her request.

When she approached him from behind and touched him on the shoulder to get his attention he freaked out. Swan grabbed her by the hair and threw her onto the bed, according to the sheriff’s report.

The woman was able to get to the kitchen to call 911, but Swan ripped the phone off the wall, banged his head into the drywall and then grabbed his mother and threw her on the floor. He then began to choke her, “saying he was going to kill her,” the report states.

Swan’s grandfather tried to intervene, but Swan screamed that he would kill him as well if he did. What Swan didn’t know was that his grandfather was an Everquest ranger who happened to use his AA point to learn modern firearms.

Dusting off his old trusty gun the old man holstered it not wanting to one-shot his own grandson no matter how much of a douche he was being, but of course when Swan saw the gun he had to have the fat loots and tried to ninja it.

The old ranger wasn’t having any of that and a struggle ensued. The gun discharged grazing Swan behind the left ear and struck the living room window and the wood frame of the porch. I believe he cried out; “Don’t graze me bro!”, but reports on that are sketchy.

In the end the mother was ok and Swan was taken to Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg, but he refused treatment. He later returned to Manatee County and was being held without bond at the county jail on charges of domestic battery by strangulation, child abuse and felony tampering.

It is yet another sad tale of World of Warcraft related violence. This never happened in the days of Everquest, we only beat up each other at fan faires. You can read the original story here.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.