Being one of the top comedy writers at Obscure-Internet it not just a job, it’s an adventure. All the money and fame that comes with such a high profile position has not caused me to forget about the little people. To give back to the community I have decided to help the downtrodden people of the internet with various issues in a segment I call J.A. Cares. If you would like me to help you please send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and if your problems can be twisted to the amusement of the Obscure-Internet readers I will use it.
Sincerely and humbly, your king of internet comedy,
In our first issue of J.A. Cares we have Susan from New Jersey U.S.A, she writes.
Dear J.A. I heard you have an I-Phone 3G and you care about people, so, here is my problem. Please help! I took my husband’s I-phone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman in his sent e-mail file (a Yahoo account). When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him that it is an I-phone glitch, that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent. Have you ever heard of this happening? The future of my marriage depends on this answer!
Well Susan your first major problem is that you are married. Marriage is wrong and currently many states are banning it as we speak…. Just a second, I am sorry, I just was informed that they are only banning marriage for gay people. Why are gays the only lucky ones who now have a valid reason to avoid marriage?
Anyway, I have also had issues with a camera phone. I was taking some sexy pictures for this lady online who told me she was incredibly sexy but would only send me pictures of herself naked if I sent some of my own first. So, I took some really awesome pictures and sent them to her. It was bad enough that she never responded, but then when I went to work people were looking at me, pointing their fingers and snickering. Finally, a friend told me that everyone saw my naked pictures. I could not figure out how until I remembered I installed a program called Flicker on my phone that e-mails all pictures to an online webpage which I happened to give to all my co-workers to see my vacation photos. It turned out good in the end. I got a raise, though she did say to use the extra cash to invest in the lap-band surgery.
Oh yeah, your problem. Did you know that with the I-Phone you cannot attach pictures to text messages? Is that a load of crap or what? I paid like four hundred dollars for this damn phone. Well, we are out of time. To bottom line it, he is cheating on you and if he looks good naked then you should cry and if he does not you should laugh. The only glitch here was in your marriage that was doomed to fail anyway and no, I am not bitter. I am just trying to help. One last thing Susan, what the hell is a Genius Bar?
The opinions and views expressed by J.A. Laraque do not necessarily reflect the views and options of Obscure-Internet, but, if you are a fan of this site I am sure you could guess that most of them would agree with him.