Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Who would win in a fight, chuck norris or jesus?
Crag2804

Oh Crag, I thankyou, any reason to fire up the old “Thunderdomeatron” programme gets my juices flowing.

At first I altered the parameters to include Jesus’s omnipotency but the results where dissapointingly predictable, so as any good scientist will tell you, when the results are not exciting you are under sworn oath to sex them up.

So, I changed the parameters again to tone down Jesus and beef up Chuck and boy was it a good fight.

At first Jesus was all “Turn the other cheek” then Chuck let fly with a round house to his crotch and our saviours mood changed to “Wrath of God”

It eventually ended when Jesus sodomised Norris with a broken bottle, he promptly brought him back to life just long enough to choke chuck on fish and bread.

Why is belly button fluff always blue?
kal

I know, its frustrating, with fluff’s talent he does not have to do blue, its beneath him.

Whats the proper name for the back of your hand?
kal

The correct name for the back of the hand is the Mapular Atalason Cartographical Area.
This is why people use the saying “I know it like the back my hand”

I’m sorry.

Why don’t penguins feet freeze?
kal

They wear slippers made of polar bear fur. How they get the fur is very interesting, they hunt in packs of 15-20, which are to able bring down and skin an adult polar bear in under 25 seconds.

They may look cuddly but they are actually Vicous little fuckers.

Why do men have nipples?
kal

In some cultures its form of greeting to suckle on the teat of a man. Next time you are in russia you should try it. If you really want to show how much you know about his culture give his anus a little tickle as well, its our equivilent of a hearty handshake.

It’s me Mario. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.